About Me

Dana writes songs and sings her ass off fronting the soulful, rocking Dana Fuchs Band, based in NYC. Dana and her band are currently on tour all over Europe and the USA in support of her new critically acclaimed album, "Broken Down Acoustic Sessions." Dana also stars as the rock singer "Sadie" in Julie Taymor's film "Across The Universe."

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

The new Dana Fuchs live CD/DVD "Songs From The Road' hits the streets today!

My new live CD/DVD "Songs From The Road' hits the streets today!
Words can't describe how much fun I had doing this show in my hometown of NYC to a sold out crowd with a killer band and vocal section.  
Now it's time to head back out on the road and spread the love to all of you! 
Just covered Switzerland, Norway and Germany for 2014 with advanced copies.  What a blast I had over there.  Had to have my label keep shipping more copies.  THANK YOU!
Now I'm off to Holland to spread some final 2014 Dutch love & then it's finally back to the USA baby!  
Most of you know by now I'll be at the Rubin Museum of Art on Dec 12 for the Naked Soul Series.  

I have recently learned some of my favorite Swiss and German peops are flying in JUST for that.  Wow! Humbling.
Then after a short holiday break I'll hit the Northeast with another big NYC show at the esteemed Brooklyn Bowl on January 18th. 

(Robert Plant just played there so I feel right at home!).

I've also learned that some of my Norwegian friends are trekking here just for the show!  Wow.  Again so humbling.

Now I ask my local US friends to please come out and show my foreign friends what great people I have right here at home too!  I've got a very special night planned for my first time ever playing in the borough of Brooklyn!  
More US dates for Jan-March will be announced soon but here's a little advance tease:  CALIFORNIA HERE I COME!

I've just confirmed a California and Padific Northwest tour starting Mid-March.  Ending in San Francisco on March 28 at the well known Biscuits and Blues.  So, all you Cali people who have been asking so nicely for me to come out west...here I come and hope to see you all there. :-) Official shows and dates to be announced very soon so please stay tuned for all tour dates here.
It's funny how time takes on new meaning when you see your life planned out before you in various countries, continents and states. This is what I do and this is what "Songs From The Road" is really about.  
Thank you all for the continued love and support.  I look forward to making many new friends on this long and winding, beautiful and brutal road.  ;-)
Love,
Dana

So far the press on "Songs From The Road" has been great in both US and Europe and we've only just begun!  

Here are some links in case you're interested
Discerning UK critics in particular giving the LOVE!  ;-)

SOME OF THE FIRST REVIEWS: 





Sunday, November 02, 2014

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH DANA FUCHS ON "SONGS FROM THE ROAD!"



Recently, Dana Fuchs took the time to sit for an interview about her forthcoming live CD/DVD release "Songs From The Road" due out November 11th on Ruf Records.

Check it out here to get some behind the scenes insight and info you won't get anywhere else!

Dana Fuchs "Songs From The Road"  The Interview

It's been over a year since Bliss Avenue was released.  What's new?

WELL, WE'VE ADDED SOME MORE COUNTRIES TO THE ROSTER OF TOURING AND HAVE STARTED TO SEE THE FAN BASE GROWING IN BOTH EUROPE AND THE US WHICH IS VERY EXCITING.  MANY MORE SOLD OUT SHOWS ON BOTH CONTINENTS NOW!  CURRENTLY I’M TOURING BEHIND “SONGS FROM THE ROAD” AS WE SPEAK!


How do you feel about the success of Bliss Avenue? 

THE RESPONSE TO “BLISS AVENUE” WAS OVERWHELMINGLY POSITIVE.  I WAS THRILLED TO SEE SOME OF THE CRITICS WHO GAVE GOOD TO GREAT REVIEWS OF MY PAST CD'S SAY THAT THE SONGWRITING "CONTINUED TO EVOLVE" AS WELL AS MY VOICE.  THAT'S SOMETHING THAT I ALWAYS STRIVE TOWARD WITH EVERY NEW ALBUM.  IT HAS TO ‘BEAT’ THE LAST ONE!  THIS IS ALSO WHY SOMETIMES THERE'S A LONG GAP IN BETWEEN RELEASING NEW STUDIO ALBUMS WITH NEW SONGS.  I DON'T WANT TO BE REDUNDANT AND IN ORDER TO KEEP THE MATERIAL EVOLVING, I HAVE TO KEEP GAINING NEW EXPERIENCES.  THAT TAKES TIME.  OFTEN TIMES THE EXPERIENCES ARE PAINFUL ONES, NOT IN MY CONTROL AND OTHER TIMES I HAVE TO GET OFF MY A*S AND SEEK THEM.  


Any lessons learned? 

THE LESSON I KEEP LEARNING BECAUSE THERE'S ALWAYS A NEW LEVEL TO IT IS:  "NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR AUDIENCE."  NOTHING IS EVER JUST "GOOD ENOUGH."  I'M A PERFECTIONIST AS FAR AS BELIEVING THAT THINGS HAVE TO FEEL AUTHENTIC.  ESPECIALLY MUSIC – AND ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE NOT IN THE "POP" WORLD.  I’M NOT SAYING THAT ALL POP IS INAUTHENTIC BY ANY MEANS.  I AM SUCKER FOR SOME GREAT POP STUFF!  ESPECIALLY BOMBASTIC LOVE BALLADS AND BEYONCE!  BUT - IN MY CASE, I HAVE TO WORK IN A DIFFERENT WAY TO BE SEEN AND HEARD.  ULTIMATELY, THAT'S A REAL GIFT BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO WRITE THE NITTY GRITTY DARK STUFF THAT HAUNTS MY BRAIN.  THE STUFF I BELIEVE MOST OF US EXPERIENCE IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER AND BECAUSE I'M NOT UNDER THE MAINSTREAM MICROSCOPE I CAN GET AS LOW DOWN, SALTY DIRTY AS ONE OF MY LITERARY HEROES, CHARLES BUKOWSKI DID IN HIS STORY TELLING.  BE REAL AT ALL COSTS. THAT'S THE LESSON. 


You're about to release a 3rd CD for Ruf Records, due out Nov 11.  It's a live CD and concert DVD.  Tell us about that.

“SONGS FROM THE ROAD” IS A SERIES RUF RECORDS DOES WITH MANY OF HIS ARTISTS. IT WAS PERFECT TIMING FOR ME WHEN THOMAS RUF ASKED ME TO MAKE THIS THE NEXT CD AFTER DOING 2 STUDIO CD'S WITH HIM OVER THE PAST 3 YEARS.  I WASN'T READY TO MOVE ON FROM THE NEWER SONGS OF "BLISS AVENUE," WHICH STILL FEEL VERY FRESH TO ME, AND STILL REPRESENT WHERE I'M AT EMOTIONALLY.  THEN, I HAVE SOME OF MY FAVORITE SONGS FROM “LOVE TO BEG," WHICH TOOK A BACK SEAT AS WE'VE TOURED BEHIND “BLISS AVENUE.” UNLESS I DO A THREE HOUR SHOW, I CAN'T DO IT ALL! LASTLY, I'VE ALSO BEEN DYING TO REPRISE SOME OF MY FIRST SONGS FROM MY SELF RELEASED ALBUM "LONELY FOR A LIFETIME" – “SAD SALVATION” AND “TELL ME I'M NOT DRINKING” - WHICH HAVE NEVER BEEN CAPTURED ON VIDEO.  THE LATTER IS A SONG I STOPPED PLAYING ALL TOGETHER AND I'M NOT SURE WHY BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF MY FAVORITES.    SO, I REALLY FEEL THIS LIVE CD/DVD REALLY REPRESENTS THE EVOLUTION OF MY SONGWRITING AND YEARS OF PERFORMING.  IT'S ALL THERE.  IT'S A STORY ARC THAT I DECIDED BEFORE FILMING, THAT I REALLY NEEDED TO TAKE THIS TIME.


We've been hearing about various shows being filmed over the last few
years...most recently you shot the Bliss Avenue CD Release Party featuring some of the same musicians and your European rhythm section.  What's going on with that material and what made you decide that the March 14th show at Highline Ballroom in NYC was the definitive show for Dana Fuchs “Songs From The Road?”

I THINK THIS QUESTION IS ANSWERED ABOVE.  THE OTHER SHOWS WERE LIMITED TO PARTICULAR ALBUMS THAT I HAD JUST RELEASED WITH A FEW TRACKS THAT WERE JUST WRITTEN FOR UPCOMING ALBUMS.  “SONGS FROM THE ROAD” SAYS "OK, THIS IS WHAT I'VE DONE SO FAR.  PLEASE CHEW ON IT WHILE I BEGIN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF ANOTHER STUDIO CD".  :-)


Most albums in this series are from shows captured in Germany (Europe).  Why was it important for you to capture the show in New York City?

ULTIMATELY NYC IS WHERE I COULD HAVE THE MOST CONTROL OVER THE PRODUCTION.  IT'S ALSO THE CITY THAT SAVED MY LIFE AND WHERE IT ALL STARTS FOR ME.  SOMETHING AS IMPORTANT AS A LIVE CD/DVD THAT ACTUALLY CATALOGS THE SPAN OF MY ENTIRE CAREER AS A PERFORMER AND SONGWRITER SIMPLY HAD TO BE IN NYC - THE FIRST REAL HOME TO MY HEART.


Was your decision supported by Ruf Records, which is based in Germany? 

RUF WAS TOTALLY COOL WITH IT.  THAT'S ONE THING I LOVE ABOUT THOMAS RUF, HE REALLY ISN'T A CONTROL FREAK WHEN IT COMES TO MUSIC AND MUSIC PRODUCTION.  IF YOU TELL HIM,  "HEY, I NEED TO DO IT THIS WAY SO I FEEL IT," HE SIMPLY SAYS, “OK.”  THAT'S RARE FOR A LABEL AND I LOVE HIM FOR THAT. 


Tell us about preparation and planning that went into making this concert film and live record.

I BROUGHT IN MY LONG TIME PRODUCTION PARTNER, KEVIN MACKALL, WHO EXECUTIVE PRODUCED MY FIRST CONCERT DVD, "LIVE FROM NYC.” HE ALSO OVERSAW AND PRODUCED ALL THE OTHER SHOWS WE'VE FILMED (WHICH WE PLAN TO MAKE INTO A FULL ON CONCERT "FILM") SO HE KNEW WHAT THE ARC HAD TO BE AND WHAT WE NEEDED TO GET ACROSS MUSICALLY.  THEN, I HAD TO SIT AND REALLY THINK ABOUT THE STORY I WANTED TO PRESENT IN THIS SHOW KNOWING IT WAS GOING TO LIVE FOREVER SINCE IT WAS FILMED.  THAT WAS DAUNTING AT FIRST.  I'D MAKE A SET LIST ALMOST DAILY FOR WEEKS LEADING UP TO THE SHOW THEN CHANGE IT.  (I HATE SET LISTS!)  FUNNY THING IS, I HAD A ROUGH OUTLINE OF MY SET LIST ON SHOW DAY.  I KNEW THE SONGS I WANTED TO BE FILMED BASED ON THE TUNES I WAS FEELING AND OF COURSE ONES THAT HADN'T BEEN RELEASED ON VIDEO.  BUT I STILL CHANGED THE LIST IN THE MOMENT DURING THE SHOW.  I ALWAYS DO.  BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GIVE AN AUDIENCE ANYTHING THAT IS "PRE-CONCEIVED" OR "DIALED IN".  THAT TAKES THE SPONTANEITY OUT OF THE MOMENT FOR ME.  I GO WHERE I THINK THEY'RE GONNA GO WITH ME IN THAT MOMENT.  SOMETIMES MAYBE I'M WRONG, BUT AT LEAST IT FEELS REAL TO DO WHAT I FEEL IN THE MOMENT.


What are your favorite concert films and live records?

"MONTEREY POP" BY D. A. PENNEBAKER. (THE OTIS REDDING MOMENT IS WHAT SEALED THE DEAL FOR ME TO PURSUE MUSIC.) I ALSO FLIPPED OUT WHEN I SAW "RUNNIN' DOWN A DREAM" BY PETER BOGDANOVICH. I WATCHED IT TWICE.  FOR ME IT CAPTURES TOM PETTY'S MUSIC, THE EVOLUTION, THE ROAD LIFE - ALL OF IT!  I ALSO LOVED THE WHITE STRIPES "UNDER THE GREAT WHITE NORTHERN LIGHTS.” IT’S SO DAMN FRESH AND RAW.  THEN OF COURSE, THERE'S THE LED ZEPPELIN SELF-TITLED DVD RELEASE FROM 2003.  FAVORITE LIVE RECORDS? WOW! JOHNNY CASH "LIVE AT FOLSOM PRISON,” LOU RAWLS "LIVE FROM TOBACCO ROAD,” LUCINDA WILLIAMS "LIVE @ THE FILLMORE,” U2 "UNDER A BLOOD RED SKY…” THE LIST GOES ON AND I'M LEAVING OUT SO MANY BUT I AM ANSWERING FAST OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD!!


Which takes precedence the video or the audio?  How does it all come together?

FOR ME, WHICHEVER THE LISTENER/WATCHER DECIDES.  MY ONLY GOAL IN THE END WAS THAT THE AUDIO NEEDED TO SOUND GOOD WITHOUT THE VISUAL, AS WE ALL TEND TO LISTEN WITH OUR EYES WHEN GIVEN THE CHANCE.  PLUS, I HAD QUITE AN IMPRESSIVE BAND UP THERE TO LOOK AT!  ESPECIALLY, THE BACKGROUND SINGERS, WHOM I NAMED, "THE SCREAMIN' SIRENS."  THEY WERE ALL SO EXCITING!


How do you see the process of video and audio capture has evolved since the last time you did this? 

WELL, I COULD DO WITHOUT SUCH HIGH RESOLUTION, AS I GET A FEW MORE LINES ON MY FACE, HAHA! I DON'T KNOW THE INNER TECH STUFF BUT I KNOW IT SURE WAS EASIER AND THE GEAR LOOKED SMALLER!


Are you involved and what is your role in the technical and production aspects of the audio and video products?

I JUST SAY WHAT I WANT THE RESULT TO BE AND TRUST THE TECH GODS TO DO THEIR THING.  I'M NOT HUNG UP ON THAT.  IF A SHOW IS GOOD, IT'S GOOD AND THE CREW NEEDS TO CAPTURE IT.


Are you the producer on this release? 

KEVIN MACKALL IS THE PRODUCER AS FAR AS THE PRODUCTION AND TECHNOLOGY.  I'D SAY I'M THE PRODUCER AS FAR AS CHOOSING THE SONGS, THE BAND AND THE ARRANGEMENTS.  YES.


How do you qualify that responsibility?

BEING TORTURED BY FINDING THE RIGHT TUNES.  FINDING THE RIGHT REHEARSAL TIMES FOR 7 INCREDIBLY BUSY MUSICIANS, PLUS JON DIAMOND AND ME!


I've already heard it said by many that the March 14th show at Highline Ballroom is arguably one of the top Dana Fuchs shows of all time. Do you feel that way? Was it capturing lighting in a bottle?

I THIINK IT HAS A VERY SPECIAL ENERGY.  EVERYONE WAS ON TOP OF THEIR GAME THAT NIGHT AND WE HAD A LARGE, SOLD OUT, HOME FIELD AUDIENCE. THAT MAKES IT SPECIAL.  BUT I'VE ALSO FELT THIS MANY TIMES IN EUROPE WITH MY EUROPEAN GUYS - WHOM I'VE BEEN PLAYING WITH FAR LONGER AND MORE CONSISTENTLY.


You put together a stellar band. Tell us about how you chose the musicians and who they are.

OF COURSE, IT ALL STARTS WITH MY SONGWRITING PARTNER AND GUITARIST JON DIAMOND.   


JACK DALEY I'VE KNOWN OF FOR YEARS.  WHEN I CAME TO NYC HE WAS THE HOT BASSIST IN TOWN AND WITHIN A COUPLE OF YEARS HE WAS LONG GONE WITH LENNY KRAVITZ FOR OVER 14 YEARS.  I HEARD HE WAS OFF THE ROAD A FEW YEARS AGO AND I HAD BEEN DYING TO WORK WITH HIM.  THEN A FELLOW MUSICIAN TOLD ME HE WAS INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH ME!  I WAS PSYCHED! SO I CALLED HIM TO PLAY ON “BLISS AVENUE” AND HAVE HAD THE GREAT GOOD FORTUNE OF HAVING HIM ON MY USA SHOWS EVER SINCE. 

JOE DALEY IS JACK'S BABY BRO AND I WAS IN A LURCH FOR A DRUMMER OVER A YEAR AGO AND JACK SUGGESTED HIS BROTHER.  HE CAME TO ONE REHEARSAL AND FIT RIGHT IN.  IT'S HARD TO FIND DRUMMERS WHO CAN COVER ALL THE GENRES.  JOEY IS ONE OF THEM.  HE'S ALSO ONE FUNNY MOTHER F**KER!


MATT BECK IS AN OLD FRIEND, WHO'S TALENT ON STRINGED INSTRUMENTS IS ALMOST ALIEN-LIKE.  THEN ON TOP OF IT, HE JUST HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF THE NICEST, MOST HUMBLE MUSICIANS I KNOW.  HE'S HARD TO GET AS HE IS THE MUSICAL DIRECTOR FOR MATCHBOX 20, STING'S NEW MUSICAL, ETC.  BUT WHEN HE'S WITH ME, HE'S REALLY WITH ME. 

PETE LEVIN WAS ONE OF MY FIRST KEYBOARD PLAYERS IN NYC!  A MONSTER!  AS I BEGAN TOURING EUROPE AND COULDN'T AFFORD TO BRING KEYS, LET ALONE FROM THE USA, HE GOT SWEPT UP BY THE BLIND BOYS OF ALABAMA AND GREGG ALLMAN.  BUT AGAIN, WHEN I CAN GET HIM, I TAKE HIM AND HE JUST PLUGS RIGHT INTO THE MUSIC AND THE HANG!



THE SCREAMIN’ SIRENS – WOW!  NICKI RICHARDS, ELAINE CASWELL AND BETTE SUSSMAN.  ALL OF THEM ARE SUPERSTARS TO ME.  THEY'VE ALL SUNG WITH THE LEGENDS AND BETTE WAS BOTH WHITNEY HOUSTON AND BETTE MIDLER’S MUSICAL DIRECTOR.  I MET THEM ALL AT VARIOUS STAGES, BY SEEING THEM SING WITH OTHER BANDS I KNOW, OR DOING THEIR OWN THING. I HAD FIVE DIFFERENT GALS IN MIND FOR THE SHOW AND THEY WERE IN THE TOP.  


The set list was hand-picked from your entire catalogue.  Why did you choose those particular songs?

I WANTED TO KEEP “BLISS AVENUE” SONGS THAT WERE STILL VERY FRESH TO PERFORM, I WANTED THE SONGS FROM “LOVE TO BEG” THAT I HAVE MISSED PERFORMING AS I TOURED BEHIND BLISS AND I CHOSE 2 OF MY FAVORITE TUNES FROM MY FIRST ALBUM "LONELY FOR A LIFETIME" THAT I'D NEVER DONE ON FILM BEFORE. I WANTED TO SHOW WHERE I'M AT AND WHERE I'VE BEEN BEFORE I MOVE FORWARD TO THE NEXT STUDIO CD WHICH I'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN GATHERING LYRIC IDEAS FOR!


There is an acoustic breakdown in the middle of the show.  How did that come about?

I CHOSE "SAD SALVATION" & "TELL ME I'M NOT DRINKING" FROM “LONELY FOR A LIFETIME” FOR THE ABOVE-MENTIONED REASON.  "SAD SALVATION" WAS ALWAYS JUST AN ACOUSTIC TUNE AND "TELL ME I'M NOT DRINKING" WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE STRIPPED DOWN.  THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME IT WOULD BE A NICE BREATHER FOR EVERYONE TO JUST BRING IT DOWN AND SHOW PEOPLE THAT I ACTUALLY CAN GET QUIET!  :-)  THEN THE SCREAMIN’ SIRENS SHOWED UP AT REHEARSAL SAYING THEY'D MADE UP A PART FOR “SAD SALVATION” AND SANG IT FOR ME.  I WAS FLOORED.  FLOORED TO TEARS.


You closed the show with two cover songs.  Tell us about those choices.

"DON'T LET ME DOWN" IS A SONG MY CHARACTER, "SADIE" SUNG IN THE JULIE TAYMOR BEATLES FILM "ACROSS THE UNIVERSE."  SINCE I STARTED TOURING AFTER THE FILM RELEASE, AUDIENCES ALWAYS REQUESTED THIS SONG SO I'D DO IT A CAPPELLA FOR THEM AND THEY'D SING ALONG.  I FIGURED NOW THAT I HAD TWO GUITARS, KEYBOARDS AND THE BACKING VOCALS, THIS WAS THE TIME TO BLOW IT OUT WITH A FULL BAND! IT WAS SO MUCH FUN. 

"I'VE BEEN LOVING YOU TOO LONG" BY OTIS REDDING IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE LIVE PERFORMANCES OF ANY SINGER.  IT GOT ME INTO SOUL MUSIC AND REINFORCED MY DESIRE TO PURSUE MY MUSIC DREAM.  THAT SONG STARTED IT ALL FOR ME AND I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO COVER IT.  I DID IT ON MY 2011 CD "LOVE TO BEG", BUT I DON'T DO IT LIVE VERY OFTEN.  AGAIN, WITH A FULL BAND I KNEW I HAD TO MILK THE MOMENT AND UTILIZE HAVING PETE LEVIN ON THAT HAMMOND B3!



"Live in NYC" and the companion DVD "Live From NYC" from 2005 are still among your best selling releases.  How will "Songs From The Road" compare or surpass the former?

IN COMPARISON, I ONLY HOPE PEOPLE WILL LIKE “SONGS FROM THE ROAD” AS MUCH AND ALSO SEE THE EVOLUTION IN THE MUSIC AND THE PERFORMANCE.  I WAS MUCH MORE INSECURE WHEN WE SHOT "LIVE FROM NYC!" AS FAR AS SURPASSING, I SUPPOSE THAT'S UP TO THE LISTENER AND THE GROWING AUDIENCES.  I'D BE INTERESTED TO HEAR THEIR THOUGHTS ON THAT! 


When looking back at your body of work exhibited in a compilation live album with a full length concert film what comes to mind? 

PAIN. JOY. DISCOURAGEMENT. HOPE.  THE FULL GAMUT OF EMOTIONS THAT HAVE ACCOMPANIED ME ON THIS LIFE LONG ROAD.


Thank you so much for taking the time.  Do you have any parting thoughts?

JUST AN ETERNAL THANK YOU TO ALL OF THOSE WHO ENABLE ME TO DO WHAT I DO.  NAMELY THE AUDIENCES WHO COME TO SHOWS AND BUY THE MUSIC.  THEY ARE THE CORE OF THIS, OF ME REALLY.  I HAVE TO LAUGH WHEN SOMEONE THANKS ME FOR A GOOD SHOW BECAUSE I FEEL I'M THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO BE THANKING THEM.  :-)


Photos: Jim Belmont




Saturday, September 13, 2014

Tomorrow! City Winery with Bettye LaVette and Other Great Artists Plus...


Tomorrow (Sunday 9/14) I'll be performing at City Winery with several great artists for the "Songs of Love and Revolution" show hosted by the same amazing folks who do the Annual John Lennon Tribute each year.   I have a couple surprises prepared and it is guaranteed to be a passionate night of music!  The private Meet & Greet tickets are sold out but there are still a few seats left so don't miss it!  Tickets Here!















September 20th and 21st at Stage One Theater in Fairfield Connecticut are both SOLD OUT!  Thank you all for your support! 

Then, I am back to Switzerland, Germany, Netherlands and Norway for the European Leg of the Fall "Songs From The Road" Tour!  





Stay Tuned here for more interviews and reviews of "Dana Fuchs Songs From The Road"  I really feel like we captured a great live show for both DVD and CD.  I'm really proud of it and I can't wait for you all to see it! 


The "Songs From The Road" combo LIVE DVD/CD will drop on October 14th but you can pre-order here and I will have advance copies for sale at the upcoming shows starting with Fairfield, Connecticut! 

I can't wait to see all of my friends again and sweat and stomp and swear(!) and spit together in our Rock and Roll Church of Love!  

For my friends in the States, more US Tour Dates will be announced soon!  

Love and Gratitude, 
Dana

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

NEVER PREPARED, NEVER READY - GOODBYE DAD...

No matter how prepared we think we are, we are never really ready to say goodbye forever to those we love.  I've had this rude awakening twice already with the loss of my sister and oldest brother.  My brother Don was given a time-line.  An "expiration date" I remember strangely thinking.  My sister Donna's decision to end her life was a different kind of shock but upon reflection in the years following, not so surprising.  

Then, 6:30am this past Monday morning, my mother got the call that my father had unexpectedly passed in his sleep very early that morning.  He first called the nurses at 3am to take him to the toilet  - because he was still adamantly not surrendering to the bedpan and diaper regimen that his nurses aids imposed on him.  Then sometime shortly thereafter he left us.  I love how he left with his last bit of dignity after all.   He passed within hours of my late sister's birthday.   I hope my Songbird Flew Him To Sleep.

Every day for over a week leading up to his death, I watched my father at the rehabilitation center become more and more withdrawn.  A once strong, powerful and gorgeous man reduced to a hospital bed and full dependency on others to move.  Yet he still ate with a determination to live, he still strived through his physical therapy appointments everyday determined to reach his 100 steps so he could go home (he got up to 50), he still had both his disdain for bad service and his humor about his own lack of tolerance for it.  He was still a man.  A proud determined man. 


























Each evening before leaving the hospital, I would kiss him on the cheek, tell him I loved him and that we were going to get him strong enough to come home.  Soon.  He would always say, "I love you too, Dane".  (not a typo that's what he called me - Mimamoski Bratt was my other nickname all through childhood - although that's a long story.) 

This week has been one of the most powerful and meaningful times in my life.  Every day my brothers and I have worked 12+ hours giving my mother's house a much needed makeover that our father would have loved but never allowed, as he hated anyone going through his stuff and was always afraid I would break any appliance I touched!  (my other nickname from my brothers my whole life was "glass breaker" & "spiller" - for good reason.  Piero, Walter and Jon can all attest to that after several occasions of coffee ending up on their luggage in the van, wine on their clothes, etc.)  

After every long cathartic work day, we sat around the dinner table laughing and crying with our mother and our loved ones.  Going through old photos, discussing things we found that day -  like letters between two lovers who had been together since they were 15 years old - and all the little keepsakes my parents saved of our school projects, cards over the years, you name it.  Everything it seemed they kept!  Everything since the beginning of "us" and "them".  Even some artwork done by my father when we were children, reminding of us his talents that went unrecognized and largely unused most of his life as he struggled to provide for 6 children.  



































Being the youngest, I started out a Daddy's girl who would wait up at night for this tower of a man to come home and let me hang form his neck.  On the very late nights, I would stay up as long as my little body would allow.  Eventually, I got too tall for hanging, reaching 6' by age 11!  And not long after, I became an angry young woman who didn't have the wisdom or capacity to forgive and understand the imperfections of this man who battled so many demons his whole life.  If I were to write his biography now it would make anyone with half a heart simply break down and weep.   However, through it all he still tried to be a father.  There was a Christmas tree every year with presents - even during the slim years which were many.  There were Hallowe'en costumes he made by hand; he gave us bicycles and lessons; footballs, uniforms & lessons; carpentry lessons for my brothers; our living room turned into a music room for Don & Donna's first band; turned us on to good music and so on.  It took me growing up a bit to more to realize how much he DID pull off considering how badly he was suffering even long before my brothers and I came along. Our relationship was strained for many years.  Then as I approached my late twenties and started to search for more answers the wisdom finally began to hit home.   He was a good man, but in many ways a broken man - determined to completely beat those demons yet never quite able to.

The last few years when my mother became very ill, my father and I became friends after being forced alone together for many days where I had to do all the driving & shopping!  Those days were so precious to me.  We laughed so hard at my lead foot and his backseat driving.  We then actually began talking on the phone several times a week when I was off the road!  He loved hearing about the places I'd been and loved telling me all the places he had been as a Marine.  We also joked about the volatility of our relationship and how we were both stubborn Capricorns.  He admitted his failures and I accepted his apologies.   He was sober now for a few years and I got to know the man I was in awe of as a little girl who then only saw him for his potential.  In the end, knowing all I know now, I am in even more awe.  I am so grateful for our closeness these past few years.  Albeit, making it that much harder to lose him.  

Now I try to imagine my mother enduring the rest of her years without her one true love.   I want to take all of her pain away but I know I can't.  I want to be rid of this giant heartache of my own, but I know I can't.   I want to tell my brothers It will all be okay when I watch them break down hard in tears for the first time in my life, but I can't make such a promise.  My mother's sister, already a widow for 10 years, told her that you never get over it, but you learn to live with it.  When my mother first got the news she broke down in sobs asking,   "Who will I watch football with?"   So my brothers and I made a pact that she will always have one or all of us to watch the games with her.  Looks like I'm going to have to find time in between touring to meet my brothers in Florida for some football!  
My father's passing last Monday has left me wondering how we ever can prepare for something we are never ready for.  Something we want to deny the inevitability of every day.  Why doesn't it get any easier?   Maybe because we do not really spend enough time thinking about the fragility and insecurity of life?  Maybe because we think we know we are going to die but deep down we don't really believe it?  I see now why some religions, especially Buddhism suggest we spend a few minutes a day contemplating our own death and making peace with the idea, while also using it as a reminder of the precious human life that we have NOW and could lose at any moment.   I also see why it's important to find a balance in life.  An equanimity that doesn't let the highs get too high or the lows too low.  Our mind creates our every moment of our own life.  How DO I want my mind to be for the next inevitable loss?  For the day my time comes?  I hope it's more peaceful and accepting to say the least.  What if it's actually blissful?  Well, that will take some training of my mind no doubt.  

Thank you all for the amazing support you have shown me through this and many of you on all of these journey's off loss and love and celebrating life.  I won't deny that my heart deeply, deeply aches, but I know this is part of life.  I will close by saying I wish you all happiness and equanimity now and in all of your days to come.

With All My Love,

Dana